pieces is such a wierd looking word! I have come to realize that too much of my life is spent avoiding conflict. Not saying that conflict is the cats meow, oh no. Just I can't let it be the driving force within my life any longer. I need to analyze why this bothers me so much. I know I have problems with wanting to please everyone, and wanting to “save” everyone. I am not sure which is the root and which the symtom. I know I can find out the reason for all this and from there form a plan of action. It is just that I feel I need to act sooner rather than later. Again i must question my motive. Am I trying to please someone with these actions or is it something important to me? Ok what would MY reasons be for fixing this problem?
- the ability to say NO and not feel guilty would be nice! That alone should be enough. But that does not resonate enough for me, lets try again
- I dont like surpressing feelings of disgust. Thats better. I could feel anger when I was typing that too. Ok back to another related problem I believe. I have a habit of procrastination… I can tell it stims from a want not to fail, thinking that if I dont start I cant fail… I have tried to stop that in the past and feel I am making strides with that issue. Do i get a since of selfworth from pleasing/helping/saving people? Is that my main motivation? Lets get back to avoidance of conflict.. I have overslept for events rather than just decline them at the start. WHY??? why cant I just say “no thanks! I would rather not”? I will continue this later after I remove my link to the journal. heh.