pieces is such a wierd looking word! I have come to realize that too much of my life is spent avoiding conflict. Not saying that conflict is the cats meow, oh no. Just I can't let it be the driving force within my life any longer. I need to analyze why this bothers me so much. I know I have problems with wanting to please everyone, and wanting to “save” everyone. I am not sure which is the root and which the symtom. I know I can find out the reason for all this and from there form a plan of action. It is just that I feel I need to act sooner rather than later. Again i must question my motive. Am I trying to please someone with these actions or is it something important to me? Ok what would MY reasons be for fixing this problem?

  1. the ability to say NO and not feel guilty would be nice! That alone should be enough. But that does not resonate enough for me, lets try again
  2. I dont like surpressing feelings of disgust. Thats better. I could feel anger when I was typing that too. Ok back to another related problem I believe. I have a habit of procrastination… I can tell it stims from a want not to fail, thinking that if I dont start I cant fail… I have tried to stop that in the past and feel I am making strides with that issue. Do i get a since of selfworth from pleasing/helping/saving people? Is that my main motivation? Lets get back to avoidance of conflict.. I have overslept for events rather than just decline them at the start. WHY??? why cant I just say “no thanks! I would rather not”? I will continue this later after I remove my link to the journal. heh.